Licence to Kill

Q says ‘00‘ designation given to secret agents is a licence to kill. So James Bond, with a code of 007, has the licence.

In India, a driving licence(DL) can be used as the licence to kill. DL is issued after a driving test, in almost all cities. Everywhere else, it’s just sold.

I was planning to get an Indian DL while in Bangalore. And friends said it would take long to get one as long list of applicants would be there. Some suggested to go through the so-called agents in the driving-schools. They would do all the paper-work (and curreny-note-work) and you just need to wait. Another guy suggested to go to some small town where there hardly are handful of applicants a day. Even, at those places they do not have the time or space or mentality to conduct a test before issuing a licence.

That guy had similarly got his DL done remotely. Remotely means without any physical intervention of his. However, he had to travel to the place because the authority said they had become too strict about taking the photo in their own (ultra-low-resolution) digital camera. (a web-cam actually)
The agent informed him to be present for the photo-session. This guy suggested he would give a digital photo of him and tell how to insert it in place of the photo from web-cam. Agent said “No no. They are very strict about this”. So let it be.

I followed a similar method. But thought of doing it all by myself. No agent-business.
The application form needed my blood-group info. And the officer said it’s not okay if I just say the blood-group. They wanted a proof of blood-group made in the shop opened outside the RTO. So I went for that. The guy doing the test there asked, “Do you have an agent? Or may I arrange one?”
I said, “No. I don’t need one. The RTO knows me.”

Processes seemed to be dalayed as I was not having an agent. Finally they called me for the photo shoot. And the lady was saying “remove the specs. Photo may not come clear” (as if it would come clear if I remove). And “move away from the board saying “DL DL DL DL DL DL…” and stand infront of the “LL LL LL LL LL LL… one”. Anyways they took the photo of my naked eyes.

Learn to kiLL

Learn to kiLL

The notice said learners-licence would be available next day. Agents managed to get it for their clients within 30 minutes or so. Who cares? Let them keep it until they feel like getting it disposed off and send it to my home address via registered post. Years back the State Government Revenue Department had sent us a registered letter with INR 15 stamps on it. It asked us to pay INR 6 as land-revenue ASAP as we were the defaulters. I had to go to the revenue-court set up in my school next sunday to make the payment.

Some of my relatives collected my learners-licence. I said I would need it only while applying for the final DL few months later. The final DL application needs you to have the learners-licence done. That’s it. No driving test, nothing. I was thinking I should have applied licence for heavy vehicles along with light motor vehicles and geared-motorbikes. (And do they give licence for air-crafts? I forgot what options were there to tick.)

Getting a DL will enable you to kill anyone on the road. No one can sue you. If you didnot know, you know it now. So a learners-licence is a licence to learn to kill. Infact, a learner can kill better than a proper DL holder.

You can also kill without ever thinking of a licence. I know a kid who worked in his dad’s bike-repair shop in our locality. Not only bikes, they repaired gas-stoves, flash-lights, tractors and what not. It’s like the shops in Hyderabad, India, whose sign-boards read “xyz Medicine and Groceries Store”, “Medicine store and Beer Bar”, “Drugists and Chemists and Hair Dressers” etc.

The kid was 7 years younger than me and was test-riding the bikes with his legs never reaching the ground. He starts off with the help of his dad and stops somewhere he finds a big stone or some garbage on the ground his legs can reach.
The guy is still 7 years younger than me and last time I saw him trying to drive a tractor on the road and the tractor made it’s way into the crop fields on the road side.

In the next few months, I was getting ready for the final licence to kill.


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