Music from World’s Most Advanced Broadband

The following stunt had been peformed by skilled professionals who got hardened after facing multiple frauds both online and offline. DO NOT try this at home.

I was in Hyderabad, India for a few months. Being new to the place, I landed up in a rented house in one of the worst parts of Hyderabad called ToliChowki. That place kept me deprived of internet connection for 2 long months.

Suddenly I found ‘World’s most advanced broadband‘ banner in front of my house. I was looking at it and thought of noting down the number mentioned thereon. In the meanwhile, a pimp-looking thin guy appeared from no-where and asked, “internet chaiye kya?”. I said, “may be in coming months”. He mentioned some Shrekk’s (name changed to save their business) phone number adding,”call this number, they will give connection very fast. Don’t call the number on the banner. It will delay things.” Actually the delay he meant was the delay robbing my bank account.

Leaflet version of the banner

Leaflet version of the banner

OK. I took the number. You might have noticed, I didn’t give him my number. He showed me the small counter near my house saying it’s ” Beam Cable’s technical office”.

After office hours, I called the Shrekk. And a Shrekk picked the phone. I enquired about their service. He said they give high speed broadband in all parts of Hyderabad. “Then how come I did not come across this company’s name before?” I had done a good amount of research on the net. Trusting what he said, I agreed to subscribe their service and it seemed his happiest moment saying he would come to my house in the evening to collect money for 6 months in advance.(Later I learnt ‘most advanced’ means they take the most in advance)

Following that I got a call form someone. He said, “Hello sir, I heard you wanted internet connection?”
I asked, “Who (the hell) is this?”
“Sir this is Afjal form ‘CC Cables’. Our agent said you enquired for internet”. “Oh is it? I already got a connection. Thanks.(convey to your agent too!)”
Calls swarmed from others in the names resembling “DD Cables”, “EE Cables” etc. Even one was so irritating that I said I was moving out of Hyderabad for ever and no more needed connection. To this he added, “Sir which city are you going? Let me know and I can enquire if our services are available there” .

Shrekk came and took the money. For this he also drove me till the nearest highly-crowded ATM and waited with me for the money to come out of the mouth of the machine. Now he assured of all assistance regarding my internet connection anytime in future.

Quite surprisingly, I got the cable connected the very next evening. They didn’t even ask me if I were a terrorist and planning to send threat emails to bomb somewhere. Leave aside other documentation. Really good to see these companies in India!

Internet started working and first thing for me was to measure the speed I was getting against what I paid for. The maximum I got was below 70% of what I paid for. And the minimum went to 0(zero) kbps.

I called Shrekk and asked what business it was. It was just one day since he took my money. So he asked me to use it for few more days and see if everything is OK. (By that time he would forget. Who Deepak, whose money? What is Beam Cable?)

Few days later, I said, “The internet is consistently giving inconsistent speeds and that too much below my subscribed speed.”
He said, “We had written the speeds are UPTO to speed mentioned by us”. So 50% comes in the range of ‘UPTO 100%’. So I was enjoying unlimited internet UPTO unlimited speeds when I did not have an internet connection at all. Why to pay you for a limited connection of that sort?

I didn’t bother much as they had already earned their 6month’s earnings in advance and the smallest font size on their website (they too have one) said there won’t be any kind of refund anytime.

Let’s just bash them a little more on the technical side. The IP they assign to your system is not the IP the world sees you at. They just get a wire from somewhere outside into your PC. No modem. Nothing. They sell internet the same way as getting an internet connection from AIRTEL (was my favourite in India) and sharing it with your family members each having a computer of their own.
So whenever I connected to the outer world, world saw a specific IP connecting to them. When  a terrorist connects from Beam Cable, the outer world still sees the same IP as the user. And, as you can expect, this Beam Cable’s IP is banned in many websites. So you are banned too. Because you do have neither a fixed IP nor a dynamic one. More on this after some body under a fake name tries to comment here on behalf of Beam Cable.

Yeah, the cable they provide goes into your computer’s LAN port even though it’s something else with a LAN connector at it’s end. You connect and remove this cable from your laptop for more than 50 times, it will break. Guaranteed. I did less than 50. The wire is good for a clothesline though. And yes, You need to keep their webpage open in browser as long as you use internet. Once you close their page, internet will go. It was their advanced technology, they said.

Later on there were hours of disconnection every day and their customer care (if exists) did not pick the phone ever. I hear ‘hold’ music continuously if I (and later many other customers confirmed) try to call the customer care during the day time. At night, you will see the lines busy. There could be a light detector that switches between ‘hold’ sound and ‘busy’ sound based on the amount of day light. Shrekk said “you call customer care. Not me”.

Busy Busy ...

Busy Busy ...

Too much on ‘Most Advanced Broadbands’ of the world who provide exclusive service in Tolichowki, Hyderabad, where no other companies dare to. You may like to listen to their ‘on hold’ music recorded by me.

 

You can listen to this music for free on their numbers I mentioned earlier. Local call charges apply. It’s very sweet indeed. (And do let me know if they put any latest albums over there.)

 

(all names changed, except mine.)


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