Owe this to Axis Bank

A colleague, reportedly, has been successful changing his address in AxisBank account. And the bank might run an enquiry into how(on earth) this became possible!

Legend is like: there is a magical link between Axisbank’s record-storage and the dustbin. And few documents/requests that escape this link, are manually shredded by some God-forsaken-man/woman.

This stone-age banking doesn’t allow you to do anything online. Some features are advertised: you click and proceed… Half-way thru, it breaks and looks like the coder left his/her job half-way due to non-payment.

Address-change is not allowed online; ‘security reasons’ perhaps. So they agree: the combined security of your passwords/mobile tokens/PIN are not enough. A thief can steal all your money online; but Bank assures your address can never be modified 😛

In all, faith in God does really help. You need to pray your respective God before calling AxisBank.

Episode 2: Getting the Debit Card PIN

PIN never arrived. I requested customer care for a duplicate PIN; and asked them to tick “to be collected from Bank”. They told me to collect the same after 7 working days. Went to bank after a 10 working days and poof… the guy at card desk said.. “No such requests were made. Apply again on a form IF YOU WANT A PIN”
I raised pitch and he said, “did you call the cust-care number we mentioned?”. I said, “yes the very same num”.
“You should not have called that number; they can’t do anything” was the reply.

As per document, I am a ‘priority customer’ of AxisBank. They usually behave like “F*** OFF!” to normal customers. But priority customers are treated like: “Would you kindly F*** OFF?”

Don’t know, that guy might have been new in corporate environment, like a bunch of people in my office who push their way into food counters, tea stalll and even into the loo.

“Under no circumstances I am gonna request again. I want to close my account”. He pointed out “that counter” (and meant F*** OFF!)

The manager at “that counter” ‘listened’ to what I said, and asked me to wait for just 4 days and card would be sent to my nearest branch. “Okay”.
1 week later, nearest-branch lady says, “no card. Do you remember who spoke with you in MGRoad branch?” I said, “NO(he was not my wife’s brother!)”
.. well leave this episode here.

Episode Three: NRI Account? Joke 😀

They can never realize how much business they lose and will lose. A friend, during short visit to India wanted to open a bank account here and seemed he heard about ‘Axis NRI account’.
“Is this a joke?”, I asked. “Do you want to come to the bank in India every other month to sign please-let-me-use-my-money documents”?

Well, do you think Axisbank will block my account (shh… I still have the acct.. it’s like being untouchable in my society) based on this? Never. They don’t bother looking into your signed requests, let alone reading customer feedback on the web!

Episode Zero: Everything is the same, Except the Name

When they changed name from UTI to Axis, people said it’s a whitewashing attempt as there had been lots of frauds against their customers. But they aptly chose their Ad campaign; they promised they will continue the hell even after a name change!

Everything is the same!

More on PityBanks … very soon 😀

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