The Fortune Ball

Mom reads horoscope form the paper, everyday. When I ask “where is the hidden treasure forecasted for you today?”, she says, “its correct sometimes. not always”. Then I say, “even I can forecast that will SOMETIMES be correct.” Recently I figured out she was checking based on moon-sign while the papers listed it per sun-sign. And we corrected this. Still, somehow, sometimes, the predictions were found correct!

Well, it has a brighter side too. Mom didn’t listen to me to learn how to use the computer. Now that I loaded some horoscope software and ebooks on it; SHE HAD TO.

Not only reading aloud from the paper; the TV shows also eat my head when some ‘Besan Beerwala’ says people’s future. As we didn’t have many rooms, I often had to share the room with the TV. So pathetic.

And last vacation, I found somebody talking “the Jupiter is in wrong place” in our home. I asked who (the hell) he was. And dad said it was “a so-called well-wisher from your mom’s village who claims he could push the planet into position. It would cost some 500 bucks”. And yet, to my utter anger, the crook was talking “Saturn is giving a anglular look”. I prompted dad, “gonna poke Saturn in the eye”.

Every dog has it’s day. And one day I got a chance to be the fortune-teller. In a corporate-arranged family-fair, the pro was away for few minutes and we decided to take the clients for a ride (as the pro did). Once on his seat, I could see everyone’s future; except mine! Our acting attracted quite a few people and one elderly couple were the next in the Q.

And the dummies followed

And the dummies followed

I saw the man’s palm. And said, “You have lots of money” (huh, his wife was loaded with ornaments). And he went on asking …

Next, I have a big plan in mind. Just got a fortune-telling crystal ball (didn’t see in movies?) to satisfy my criminal mind.

I am gonna purchase outfit of a fortune teller. Thanks to the one sitting next to Axis bank ATM, BTM, Bangalore, India; I already know what I should look like. That ASTROLOGER always stares at the ATM queue and perhaps used to guess who in the Q was actually drawing money to become his client. I never saw any.

With the BABA look, I can take my crystal globe and start the business in the village. Power supply will be underground. Only visible thing will be what you see in the below:


I believe I can say better future than the Besan stuff on TV. And people will be swarming. Some will try to touch my feet. “No, the BABA does not allow anyone to touch him. Touch the Crystal and you will get His blessings”, the assistant will say.

Some will offer money. “No the BABA doesn’t touch or see money”. So what? The assistant will collect it, man! And like most people visiting temples, they will think their fate will not glow unless the cash is accepted. So they will pay as much as the collector asks.

Somebody cracks your coconut in front of the deity and asks you 501 bucks! Damn him/her and go home with all your cash. Don’t bargain. God is in every human being. Whatever you do is actually decided by God! So chill out with all your cash. Crack the coconut at home.

Finally, some will come and ask the BABA to bless thier kids pass the exam. Assistant will say, “go get a CFL for your kid and let BABA bless it”.

How’s the idea?

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